26 March 2011

Ignorance is bliss

Another change I've had since coming here:

I've always been a tolerably deep sleeper. Dad's vacuuming (isn't that just an amazing word? vacuuming) downstairs on a Saturday morning? No problem. Light coming in through my white curtains from the Alaskan Summers? I close my eyes and drift off anyways.

Living here has given me a new level of interruption-resistance while sleeping. To the point where if I'm a bit sick, I don't hear the alarm. I have two roommates, one who stays up late and one who goes to sleep early, and I never wake up to people working on their computers with the light on late at night or taking a very loud shower in the morning. Where the neighbors in the auto shop next door have dance parties on Saturday nights and loud music in the mornings, and cats and dogs bark, and I wouldn't notice if it weren't for the fact that sometimes I have to force myself to get up on a Saturday morning.

I think this is partly a cultural result. Because the general rule here is that people sleep deeply. But I think this is an exciting change. And a useful one. Although the not-hearing-the-alarm thing can be a bit unpleasant sometimes...

24 March 2011

I'm not Harry Potter, but I do have angst.

Now that you've watched this bit of genius (brought to my mind by Maryam), I'd like to actually talk about my non-wizard angst. Which mostly revolves around planning for next year.

Its actually surprising, the contradictions I'm feeling right now. On one hand, life is amazing. I am currently sitting in the grass at my school, absorbing sun in perfect, 68 degree weather, with a slight breeze. I got hugs by my prebasica students by their own volition, had delicious, 75-cent lunch, and this afternoon am going to hang out with some of the best people I know. I can sleep in my own bed, I have hot water, and I am still gliding off the high that having someone amazing visit you brings.

On the other hand, I think about the future. Which, to my dismay, is still almost as ambiguous and enigmatic as last year at this time. I'm trying to weigh out all the possibilities. I'm trying to listen objectively to different opinions. I'm trying to pray a lot and look into myself to figure out what I actually want. All I know now is that I want to make a decision that wholly by myself: I want to do what I want to do. I just don't know what I want to do, you know? ERGH.

In plainer terms, I have to decide where I want to go to college next year. There are PRO AND CON lists galore, hypotheticals, financial statements, program investigations. But I have to decide, and this decision (like the one I made last year, which is why I'm in Ecuador today) will be life changing.

Angst. Angst. Angst.

Lewis and Clark, I love you. UAF, I am also starting to love you. Especially the Room Board Tuition number part of you. Would one of you turn out to be a betraying jerk-face? Because thats what would happen if I was the lead female role in a chick flick, and you were my love interests.

Or I could just stay here next year...